Toni, I agree with K Joseph. Your three questions are a great grief conversation starter. I feel that so many people don't even make the effort not to say insensitive things or to ask stupid questions because they just don't know how it feels to be on the receiving end. You did a great job, even though you felt inadequate, you tried your best, and that is commendable.
Grief makes us all stupid, in my opinion, it throws us into shock and makes our brains and mouths start to work in weird ways. Again, the steps you took to love your friend despite your own grief are truly commendable. Thanks so much for sharing... I cried as I read your story... and I read because I've been there... we lost 4 family members within 18 months. It rocked our world... and we still feel the reverberations of that change in our family now 8 years later.