Being A Bad Mom
Getting Better at Life Daily Helps Me Get Better at Parenting Daily.
The Worst 6 Months of My Parenting Life
I have entered the phase of parenting that includes a mixture of teens and young adults (we have two girls ages 21 and 17, and a boy turning 20 soon). You could say that the parenting script has been flipped. So much has happened just within the last 6 months (including the temporary disappearance of my oldest daughter 1,000 miles away from home) that has pushed me to become a lot more introspective about my parenting. These last 6 months have also pushed me to further let go of the fear of being a bad mom, which used to cause me to live in perfectionism as a parent… and that’s not good for me or my family. Though I’m not a perfect parent, I’ve definitely learned some things that have helped me be a better me and be a better mom. If you’d like to read my article about my daily practices as a solo mom, check it out at LeadLikeAQueen.biz/blog, (and you can also snag a Mother’s Day gift if you read that article).
My Parenting Mindset Shift
Regarding fear-driven parenting, that’s what I did for the first 13 years or so of my life as a mom. As it became more clear that my disabled husband was no longer able to partner with me as a parent, I began to shift how I thought about parenting. I decided to kick the fear out and allow myself to be more curious, ask more questions, listen better, and connect more with my kids. This shift may have been too late for my oldest, at least that seems to be her perspective at this time, but I am continuing to learn and grow with my youngest. I can only pray that it’s beneficial for her, and all of them, in the end. I trust God to work things out for all of the kids. Trusting Him to work it out means that for the outcome of the changes, I am leaving how that looks up to Him. Not like I can control Him anyway, but I am saying that I have more realistic and looser expectations of how things can turn out, instead of imposing my own vision for the results.
What’s Your Struggle?
What about you… do you struggle with fear or guilt in your role as a parent? I hope you never experience the disappearance of a child, but most likely there’s something you’ve experienced that has not been easy… especially within the last three years since the pandemic started. If you have a struggle to overcome, I hope that you find a way to push past that fear and be better for yourself and for your family. If my article about my daily practices that I shared above ⬆️ is helpful for you to make some changes, let me know.
Being a Bad Mom
Throughout my most recent parenting struggles, I feel that others may have judged me as a parent. And some, even mental health professionals, straight-up told me so. Nevertheless, I had to make the decision to let their opinions stay theirs. Those opinions do not belong to me. So, I made up my mind that I don’t care what they think. AND, honestly, if I had not had that mindset shift, I would never have found my missing child… one of the opinions expressed was for me to just leave her alone. If I had, she would have been trafficked… I literally got her away from a trafficker when I found her. (Follow my personal Instagram to see more about this story and journey.)
What I Care About
I care about doing the daily things I need for being a better me inside, and then I am equipped from the inside out to be a better parent. I don’t just want to look or seem better, I want to actually think and be better. If I am a bad mom, it simply flows out of being a bad me. And I don’t want to be bad at either. I choose to do what I can to think better and to be better today, right now, at this moment. I cannot change the past parenting choices I made, but I can think and do better today. That’s what helped me to take radical action and look for and find my child. When I stay stuck in the past, stuck in my head, stuck in other people’s opinions, then I cannot get anything done and do not get any results. So, I choose to care about what and who matters most right here, right now, and I refuse to let anyone or anything get or keep me stuck.
I hope this is encouraging for you. Leave a comment and let me know about your parenting journey. I hope to be encouraged by you, too.
